Being your authentic self. What exactly does that mean? Let me tell you a little story about myself.
Spoiler alert. I wasn’t always the person I am today. I let the pressures of social media, press and magazines dictate who I was and how I saw the world.
Being yourself, your TRUE self, all the good traits AND the flaws, can be scary. We often worry what others think about us and act accordingly…but WHY do we do this?
Often the answer is “to fit in”. We want so badly to be accepted and to be part of something that we change who we are to fit that role.
What if I told you that there are infinite “tribes” out there who would not only accept you but LOVE the person that you really are?
Hi, My name is Alaynna and I’m a bit fucked up. I have self worth issues. I have body image issues. I struggle to lose weight or be active enough. I often worry about what people think of me. I have chronic pain issues. I’m diagnosed bipolar along with a list of many other co-morbid mental issues that most people shy away from. I cuss. I’m clumsy. I sometimes drink too much.
I’m 38 years old and I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life.
I suffer everyday with the feeling of inadequacies. From my creative work to my role as a wife. I never feel like I do enough.
I’m anything but perfect but I’m REAL.
Some of you will HATE the real me. That’s ok. I’m at a point in my life where I recognize that I wont please everyone…but I don’t care.
What I have found is that when I am my authentic self I give other people a platform for conversation. The “me toos” and the “I feel yous”.
Im not only being myself but I’m allowing for others to be themselves too.
The people that this resonates with are MY PEOPLE. MY TRIBE. They struggle with issues of their own. Some exactly like mine, others have their own demons.
I. AM. NOT. PERFECT. but you know what? WHO THE FUCK IS? And what does it even mean to be perfect?
Its so easy to get lost in the endless slew of staged Instagram photos, the perfectly edited “selfies” the “look how amazing my life is” posts.
We compare ourselves to these planned moments; to these fined tuned for social media personalities.
“Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar.” –unknown.
Its when you come to this realization in life that things start to click. When you are doing what YOU truly want to do the universe recognizes that.
So how do you become your own “authentic you”?
You just let all the bullshit go. You strip away the layers of masks that you’ve put on over the years, the expectations that society has on you.
IT IS LIBERATING!
You wont be everyone’s cup of tea but who is? If you’re as old as me you might remember the old asops fable “The boy, the man and the donkey”
You can please some of the people some of the time, but you cant please all of the people all of the time.
“Please all and you will please none.”
Don’t live to please people. Live to please yourself. You will be amazed by how many people that resonate with you.. You will become that platform for those like you to have a voice.
They are your people and you can rip that mask off and finally be YOU.
This plays into my experience meeting and working with Jamie. When I met her I had such a different perception of who she was. When that mask was finally pulled back it was a revelation. She showed me who her authentic self was and that’s where her magic really shined.
But don’t take my word on it! Here is Jamie’s experience in her own words.
“Witch witch, you’re a bitch. Witch witch, you’re a bitch.” If you’ve ever seen Practical Magic you’ll recall the reference. Jillie and Sally. Samantha. Sabrina. Winnie, Sarah, and Mary. Matilda. Stevie Nicks.
Notice anything about these women?
What a year this has been. I would definitely consider 2018 to be my “coming out” The year I fell in love with myself. The year I became real with who I am. The year I stepped out of my shell.
I have been trying and trying and trying, for literally all of my life, to fit in and be normal. Be accepted. Be liked. Failure after failure. I’m just weird. I’m just too much. I’m too average, too stand out and I’m too eccentric to fit in.
I guess this need for acceptance is probably what ultimately led me to my first marriage. Roller coaster love, shame and tears, passion and excitement, betrayal and abuse. This phase of my life closed leaving me homeless and having my daughter taken from me. Determined to rise from the ashes, I became an entrepreneur and now have a successful energy healing business, MandalaDiva and love to volunteer and support agencies like Violence Prevention Center and Call for Help.
Congratulations. Yes, it is something I’m proud of, but still not quite the “thing.” I spent the last 10 years building myself back up, and trying to heal that gaping wound. Trying to understand why hurt people hurt people, how people heal themselves, and the whole time still missing the bullseye that glared at me every day for all those years.
Becoming myself. My true authentic self.
Practicing in the field of bodywork, energy healing, vibrational therapy, auric healing, chakra balancing, reflexology, crystal healing, spirit healing, etc led me to fulfill a need of self help and enlightenment. Studying and practicing these different ideas for nearly a decade, allowed my mind to be exposed to an entire world of different ideas and bigger pictures. If there was a rabbit hole, believe me, I went down it.
I mentioned before my passion for volunteer work, so naturally there became an opportunity to help women in local strip clubs through my church. I was only in a few weeks before I was, in a word, kicked out.
Asked to leave.
Whatever you wanna call it, I remember I was sitting on Alaynna’s porch telling her about how I got kicked out of church and feeling so brokenhearted. I mean, these were the people that were supposed to accept you no matter WHAT and I got rejected. Me!! Business owner, notable networker, ambassador to such and such, community outreach volunteer…. Because I talk to rocks and listen to the colors of your aura!
In a moment if rebellion, I picked up a book called the Modern Guide to Witchcraft, knowing I’d fully burst into flames as soon as I opened the cover. All that scary stuff, the demonic, satanic evil awful horrible stuff….witchcraft.
And here’s what I found: healing, balance, peace, meditation, grounding, chakra balancing, crystal healing…everything I was already doing!
I saw a meme that completely describes the moment with complete accuracy: When did you decide to become a witch? I didn’t, I just realized I already was one. From the elements, from the earth, the sky, the water, the air, the fire, the dirt. All this new healing energy suddenly became crystal clear and all I had to do was revel in it. Now, I’m not trying to bash any religion or turn anyone faith wise in one direction or the other. This is just my experience, as I’ve lived it.
So, ok…I’m a witch. Now what? I can’t tell anyone, they’ll think I’m crazy. Wooo magic powerssss, ahhh, watch out she’ll hex you. Ok, I’m a closet witch. Still hiding, wanting to fit in, be accepted, but not let anyone know who I truly am.
The judgement. Owning a business, is a big deal, and without your reputation, you pretty much have no business. The fear of the judgement kept me hulled up a few months longer.
I celebrate my first sabbat, and the next week I did a photo shoot with Alaynna at GlamMarr. I wanted to try a character theme, make myself into this person I want to be. I still look back on that day, Valentine’s Day! As the best day of my life. I saw my pictures, I couldn’t believe who I was. Strong, beautiful, confident. Not someone who is dying to be accepted, but someone who accepts herself. Someone who draws strength to her, rather than trying to chase it.
Seeing these photos in the group, I remember being up until 2am reading the comments of all the amazing women sharing such kind words and support with me. I loved it, it opened me up to start sharing more of myself. Gradually getting closer and closer to the revelation.
This week, we did a fun inspiration shoot, and I finally shared some of my photos on my personal Facebook page. My body exposed. My truth exposed. Lol, and the first to comment of course is my DAD Akwaaaard…but. All of a sudden it was just like. This is me. I am a woman.
I am Jamie Rhiannon. I am the MandalaDiva. I am a suburbia housewife and entrepreneur. I am a white witch. I am not a good gardener, but damnit I try. I am a model. I am not a plus size model, I am not a size 0 model, I am just a model. I make my body become art. I am not my body, but I live in my body. It has gotten me here. I dress it up, I dress it down. It is not perfect and I love it for that. I wear my scars with pride, because I was stronger than what was thrown at me. I am an empath. I am an advocate. I am a survivor. I am strong. I am confident. I am #fearlesslyfeminine
To book your own St Louis boudoir session visit our site at Glammarr